Archive | June, 2013

Itsy Bitsy Bizarre Days

19 Jun

Well, this sums it up really. I just don’t know what to make of myself lately. Physically, I feel better than I have done in a long time; I still have my mainstay symptoms, fatigue, sensory stuff, weakness etc etc. but I feel stronger and my walking has resembled a near normal person and I am thrilled. My bladder is a bit strange though….

Cognitively on the other hand has gone wonky. I gave up shopping yesterday as I couldn’t think straight so I gave up and carried on last night (not much better but hey). My injections are hurting so I now have anxiety build up every week, even my blood tests are bloody painful and the bruising!!

As anyone who has read my posts before, I am animal devoted to the max. My vet job on a Saturday is the only reminder I have left that I can a, hold down a job and b, be helpful in a workplace setting. On Monday evening, just before I finished my jacket potatoes, one of the neighbours knocked on the door and asked if I could come and look at a Fox as they had heard I am a Vet! I wish!!!!
Anyway, I went outside and found a fox cub, with what I thought was around 6 months old. He/she was clearly paralysed had some laboured breathing, probably from shock. There were a lot of interested kids hanging around and it was turning into a bit of a circus, I was half expecting press to turn up!!
I got an old wicker basket, towels and old bed linen. The Fox tried to get away but just lay down and let me scruff and pick him/her up whilst supporting its bottom. The Fox was beautiful, young and something out of most childrens dreams. I became very emotional because at that point, I was cruelly reminded of what this disease is trying to take from me. I really find it hard to put into words just how much helping animals on whatever level means to me. It really is who I am and it is a petrifying thought of how it will affect me when I have to walk away from it.
I came home, called my surgery and luckily the Nurse was still there and I could go down, I thought there was no point ringing the RSPCA if my Vet could see it. I took my son, who wanted to go so much, I think he may have caught the bug that mummy has!
I went into the consult room with my Vet and left my son outside with the Nurse, Robyn, lovely woman. He assessed the Fox and unfortunately the injuries sustained were untreatable. Looked like trauma to spine, nasty and extremely painful. Like with all times with euthanasia, any animal that turns up at our practice is loved and cared for right up to the last moment. I am very lucky to be part of that and share it with great professionals.

I went to sleep that night very troubled. Counselling didn’t even come into it, I can do counselling, but when something stirs such strong emotions in you, ignoring it becomes impossible. That dear little Fox gave me a reminder of who I am.

To top it off, I saw my Neuro who still wants me to have an LP!! Damn!! I thought I had got away with it. He put the request in February, so he was not impressed at all that I hadn’t received an appointment. He sent me for blood tests that I would have had at the same time as my LP so it wouldn’t be a fruitless visit. He apologised, we grinned at each other (a knowing grin) as I blumin knew it was a waste of time. I left, went for bloods which as I said before, hurt!
Oh, I nearly forgot, Physio went well ūüôā

This is where it gets truly bizarre; in a tale longer than anyone can endure so I won’t go there, my Vet has started treating me like a human being. He has actually responded to messages, texts and emails (work related) and when I’m at work, he has spoken to me and with, shock horror, eye contact!!
Not really bizarre, more like a miracle!

Where to go from here??

2 Jun

Blimey, I had completely underestimated how hard it would be going from limbo to diagnosed.

Diagnosed in February, Neuro issues for 7 years and wham.  Finally got answers for the weirdness but where and what do I do with my life?

I thought I had a plan, okay, not totally as I wanted. ¬†My thing was to become a Vet Nurse and boy have I put in the years, I should get the qualification based on that alone!! ¬†Circumstances have played a rather unfair hand at this and now it is pretty much out of the picture. ¬†So I chose something that I was good as well, listening. ¬†Counselling, great!! ¬†Now qualified to level 3, all I have to do is my 2 year Diploma, get accredited with BACP and off I go! ¬†Right now, I feel I am staring at Everest, with my boots on, all my gear but missing the vital get set, ready go! attitude along with all the other physical capabilities needed for such a task. ¬†I need to speak to my Tutor to have a very realistic ‘check-in’. ¬†I don’t see why I should turn my back on this now, but I am so so apprehensive about my bloody brain. ¬†I mean, I can’t even remember certain words, what I am supposed to be doing and when, let alone summarise what a client as been saying for a whole hour!! ¬†Jeez, sounds impossible but I then have to remember that apart from Saturdays, I do housework, organise my husband and son and make sure I don’t do myself a mischief in the process. ¬†I have been out of regular work for ages now, so it will feel more daunting won’t it?

I am worried about the course itself with the fatigue. ¬†What worries me even more is this insane level of apathy that has hit. ¬†I mean I need to apply for DLA, speak to my Tutor, ask advice from my old student group, I could go on but I can’t be bothered, meh!!

See, I told you it was bad ūüėČ