Archive | September, 2013

Emotional woes

26 Sep

I am becoming an annoying easily offended person.  Not with everything, just MS related.

The forum is full of members and posts that just seem to rub me up the wrong way and I cannot figure out what is really going on.  When I was an active counselling student, this would have made for very good criteria meeting homework but now I’m out of action, it is bothering me.

The posts aren’t personal to me so why am I finding myself tutting, rolling my eyes and not being able to help?  Is it that I’ve disappeared up my own backside and feel that unless you feel about MS the way I see it you are wrong?  No, that’s not me, I respect all views and how each individual person handles things.  Am I projecting my own denial?  May be, I just feel clueless about it all.  What I do know is I’m genuinely hacked off and really need to stop going on there.  I also miss Karen.

The last couple of weeks has seen two attempts at motivational, feel good posts.  Thought appreciated but even those have ticked me off!!  I hate being told, it could be worse and to view MS as something to think positive about.  Er, excuse me, I am a positive person, I get on with my life, I do everything everyday to make sure the house still runs as a youngish family that we are.  As for my Veterinary job, they will have to carry me out of there before I give up!

I refuse to live less able than I actually am just to make people feel better about my illness.  MS, serious isn’t it?  Well just you look and act more ill immediately so I can validate what I really think of you!  NO is my simple polite answer.  I live like this because I can. Yes it is bloody hard and inside I cry and scream so much my mum would break down if she knew the truth.  So in short I am positive through my actions not just because I can sit and write a pretty little sodding paragraph and get kudos from members that want an MS diagnosis (I will say it again, why?) and don’t know what way is up right now!!

Rant over.

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Bladder retention

10 Sep

Oh dear, MS has a friend along for the ride.  I’m sitting here in a lot of discomfort which has been getting worse since last week.  My bladder is not working at all well and it is all to do with emptying.  Your bladder has two functions – storage and emptying and mine is having trouble emptying, all thanks to a poxy lesion on my spine no doubt!!

I saw my MS Nurse last week, lovely lady whom right at this moment is in severe danger of being kidnapped and brought to live here with me for constant reassurance and help.  HELP, I NEED HELP!!

You know, when I turned 40 last year, the usual niggles came up in my head that we all get when hitting that decade but never ever did I think I would be needing assistance to bloody wee.  It is soooooo depressing, for goodness sake, weeing is a basic human right!

I sat down with my Nurse and she asked me how I was (I find this genuinely hard to answer without sounding like a complete sarcastic bitch) and I then told her that my bladder seemed to be playing up more than usual.  I said I thought I was retaining urine as I was having to get up in the night and on a couple of occasions, the urge was there but the urine didnt flow.  She asked me to get a sample so she could check for infection.  That was clear thank goodness.  She then got out a bladder scan, a great little machine that measures if you have any urine still in your bladder.  She was surprised to find 108 mls still in there considering I had just been.

She said that normally they wait until you are retaining over 120 mls and there are a couple of medications they can try and then they start talking about self catheterisation.  This of course is made easier by the fact that the catheter looks just like a lipstick in your bag.  I don’t need to comment about that do I??  I have to monitor said naughty bladder for what feels like forever and let her know.  The appointment was last Wednesday and I will be emailing her tomorrow, I’ve had enough.

There is no way I can take anymore sitting on the toilet leaning over with hand on belly, rocking side to side, forward backward, my husband sitting with me, jumping up and down and finally coughing and trying to sneeze (yes I have considered taking pepper into the toilet to induce this) to get something anything out of my sphincter who has decided to clamp shut until I am fast asleep of course.

Lumbar Puncture

5 Sep

This is without a doubt the dreaded procedure about all this for me.  I thought I had gotten away with it as it is usually done pre-diagnosis.  I wasn’t to be this lucky but on the other hand, I am lucky to have a thorough Neuro.  He is an ‘every little detail’ consultant which can only be a good thing.

I turned up to the Hospital in the morning to have my bloods taken, unfortunately, due to circumstances, I had my son with me.  We then left and had to return in the afternoon.  My husband managed to get the afternoon off work and drove us to the Hospital.  He then went off to Bluewater with our son to try and get some school plimsoles ready for the new school year.

I knew where I was going as it was the same Ward as I had the bloods done luckily.  I waited for what felt like over half an hour but it probably wasn’t!  A nice Doctor came over, introduced himself and shook my hand, very polite.

We went into a separate room and explained what he was going to do and asked for my permission.  Once agreed, he went off to get supplies, that felt like ages too!  He returned and asked me to lay down on the bed with my back facing him and to curl up in the foetal position as best I could.  He explained this would help me to help him etc.  the worst part was the stinging sensation of the anaesthetic going in.  I did feel pain and whined out a bit as the needle, tube thingy went in and I’ve got no idea if that was me being a bit sensitive or he just happened to hit a nerve slightly.  Anyway, after that it didn’t hurt at all.

It was actually pretty boring as the fluid just drips out as the area isn’t pressurised like when they take blood.  At the end he showed me 3 tubes (like urine sample pots) with small amounts in each.  It was a very clear, crystal clear liquid.  He said a lot of people describe it as Gin colour.

I had to lay down for 15 minutes while he labelled the pots for the lab.  After that he made sure I was being collected and told me to lay flat for as much as possible in the next 24 hours.  This would help me avoid a bad headache that is associated with this procedure.  I went in armed with a bottle of Coke, as I had read lots of people on the forum mention about coke helping.  When I got home, I admit to finding it hard to lay flat the whole time, so I just reclined in the chair as much as possible but did have to lay down when my head started to hurt and it did often, when I sat up or stood up for too long.  My body sure did let me know when it needed to lie down.  I thought to myself, I’m sick of you, bloody body dictating to me all the time!!  Still must get used to it as MS is a bitch like that, a dictating,little bitch at that!

So, in short, the Lumbar Puncture is okay.  The thought of it is far worse than the reality and as long as you follow the instructions given, rest rest and more rest (and not for just 24 hours either, important) it is fine.