The importance of Integrity

21 Jan

It has been a while but I needed a break.  A lot has happened but the last 2 days has shaken me not because I am surprised but because it has actually happened.

My Mum has lost her integrity and probably did a long time ago, in fact the day she got married to my step father.  Unfortunately, when you find yourself young and from a broken home, you have to go along with your mum/dad’s choice of new partner and life.  Even as a child you know when they are making a mistake and I did.  She was making a cracker of a mistake and far worse than the first choice, I.e. my Dad.  Then, if that wasn’t bad enough, you find out that he has kids, horrible kids.  Seem fairly normal at first but then you realise they are self serving, self pitying, antagonistic little shits with enough baggage to rival an Airport, you bet I wanted to run.

i had made the wrong choice.  At age 6 my parents decided it would be a great idea to ask me that question all children should never be asked, ‘who do you want to live with?’  I was/am a Daddy’s girl but I knew my Dad had nowhere to go and I was scared.  My Mum I chose almost automatically but then who wouldn’t?  I was effing 6!!  Anyhoo, now, I am reaping that decision.

Since my MS diagnosis, my step family have literally walked in the opposite direction, proving what I always knew.  This leaves my mum stuck well and truly in the hole she dug for herself.  It is her Birthday very shortly and her wishes were for her to go out for a bite with me and my sister (half, we share our mum) our husbands and children.  My step dad as usual pipes up and has to make sure Huey and doey have to come along (his kids, 45 and 41).  Because of how I have been treated, I have retreated as I have no intention of being subjected to their behaviour, excuses and for it to be anything other than a celebratory birthday meal.  My mum has arranged to go out with just me, hubby and son the week after.

I will have a relationship with my Mum come hell or highwater.  I grew up without my Dad so I am under no circumstances growing old without my Mum.  

By stepping back, I am keeping the peace for my Mum, the same position I had as a little girl.  It is wrong to say nothing but the trouble it would cause is not worth it.  I have paid lip-service to my supposed family for all these years so what can it hurt?  Trouble is, now as adults it is all too clear how bad it is.  I knew the control level he had but to the point where my own mother cannot tell them what utter bastards they are being towards her own daughter then I now know what a smart insightful girl I was back then.

I was always worried about not being academic but thanks to MS it has shown me that what I have you just don’t learn from books.



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