Tag Archives: ambitions


12 Mar

Well it had to happen eventually, I burst into tears during my Nurse appointment this morning.  She was lovely (always is).  I tried to explain it as best I could in that I am finding adjusting to my label really hard.  I am no different to what I was 10, 15, 20 years ago albeit a few newish symptoms over the last 8 years that helped seal the deal.  Unfortunately now that I know what is wrong, so does everyone else.  No one believed that I was genuinely unwell for all those years, treated like a freak literally and by people that I had wrongly assumed wouldn’t.  So, now I have my diagnosis, rather than just saying, oh good we have a name for what has been happening and it doesn’t change anything as you have been ill for years, people are choosing to slap me round the face with it at every opportunity.

I am 41, 42 in June, to me I have things I want to do still, things I was doing that have ground to a halt because certain people would rather slap me round the face with a label.  I am youngish person, lots of years left to contribute outside of my household.  Yes, I have had one dream cruelly taken from me, Vet Nursing, however, Counselling is a different matter.  I am halfway qualified, all I need is my 2 year Diploma.  At the end of year 3 I informed my teacher that due to finances, I would need a year out.  I was diagnosed in that time, since then, I contacted my teacher and explained my diagnosis and asked if she could give me a realistic outline of the course and what is involved so I could have a serious think and try to plan, get assistance to see me through.  What did I get?  Complete ignorance, not even a substandard response.  Nothing.  This from a Counsellor!  Me thinks not all of her issues have been dealt with.

This is my point, the whole 2.5 years of studying I did, I HAD MS!!  Good enough then I was, praised to hilt constantly.  Good student.  Now what am I?  A wannabee with a degenerative disease.  I reiterate, I was always that, we just didn’t know!!  I need and want people to get over themselves, it isn’t happening to them, it is me this is wrecking and I am dealing with it, please join me won’t you?

The only people who have been supportive and great are the Veterinary Surgery, going there is like my safe haven.  I am still me in their eyes and I feel like me too.

At the moment, I refuse point blank to assume the role of the MS label.  Yes I have it but it has been part of me for a bloody long time and I was plodding along then so why can’t I plod along now?

I have a son to inspire and a life to live.  It is not good to be sitting in a wheelchair in the future knowing that when you could do it you were stopped due to other peoples ridiculous perceptions.

I am Sam with MS but you are blah blah with a bad attitude!!  I am here, deal with it.