Still learning……

I am not doing the whole am I relapsing thing very well.

My appointment with the Neurologist went well on the 23rd December and I happened to mention that my left arm felt very sore and had restricted movement (couldn’t fully extend) and that had lasted a couple of weeks.  Nothing else was mentioned about that until I received the notes from the appointment I was shocked to see that he had noted my arm was a probable mild relapse.  Oh dear I thought, that means some things that have happened before I haven’t mentioned and any future events like now (altered sensations worse down left side) have not been brought to the attention of my Nurse.

Needless to say, I feel like a right womble!  Did anyone else have trouble deciphering between normal stuff and relapsing stuff?  I always feel pretty bad and because due to not being diagnosed for years I pushed through, so now, things have to be very bad and very obvious for me to alert family/Nurse etc.  This worries me, in fact the whole thing really as my Avonex treatment has been 8 months and to be honest I have when I think carefully been relapsing pretty consistently as before.  I must give it more time but the thought of being put on second line drugs scares me as the risks are greater.

Tomorrow marks the month of my diagnosis.  February will never be the same again.  My year Anniversary which seems weird as I had been living with MS for years!!  I know I am not alone in this either as it is so hard to diagnose.

MS is ruining my life slowly but my attitude will never be taken, I am a stubborn cow and I love life so (blows raspberry).  You have given me a beautiful gift though, the realities of life.  I feel stronger, more knowing than ever before.  It saddens me, even frightens me but I am sure the people in my life now want to be there and I love all of them.  I can let go of the pretenders.